? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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