what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
