i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Randomize
