Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
