you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
