Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
