Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
The uberlube is also flammable
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
