The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
