I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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