Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Randomize
