Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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