Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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