I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
