dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
being pregnant is like rehab
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
