I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
