Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
