i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
