I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
