Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
