I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
