i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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