i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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