I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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