Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
