She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
