I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
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