I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize