Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
