We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
