did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
