ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
