We named our party play list daddy issues
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize