Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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