I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
