dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
well, you know. whores of a feather.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
