There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
