she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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