I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
