My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Randomize
