guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
