READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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