i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
