i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I have so many feelings about this burrito
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