Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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