Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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