Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
