May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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