mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize