You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
you didnt know i had herpes?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
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