I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
