I didn't shave. On purpose
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize