im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
