me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Randomize
