I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
