I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Randomize
