No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
