Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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