I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
