smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
