went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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