So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
