i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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