His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
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