I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
