I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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