apparently the secret to your success is patron
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize