never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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