walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
