I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
