i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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