Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
i black out too much to be "responsible"
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
