No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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