So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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