Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
