So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
