i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Randomize
