We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
