: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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