I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize