Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
