I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
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