just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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