i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
