Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
worst night to have a conscience
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
