I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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