I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
