I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
