white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
