Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
