Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
