Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
We are two peas in an std pod
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
