very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
