Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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