did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Randomize
