Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
