cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Randomize
