I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize