you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
