fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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