I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
