she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
