I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
