awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
