laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
