I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize