Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
