NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Randomize
