I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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