Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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