Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
