between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
