Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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