we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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