i permit you to call me
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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